today's flavor: M O D E R A T E D E P R E S S I O N
anxiety : 1
agitation : 1
I believe the Lyrica (Pregabalin) - a.k.a. the treatment for my carpal tunnel - is besting me. I no longer feel any pain in my wrists, but I am suffering through the depressant side effects. Mornings and evenings are bitches sent from the underworld. I want to discontinue taking this medication already, but I still need to take it for a month and a half more.
It's so hard to lift my bones, dammit. It's really difficult to smile, even fake it, because I constantly feel so drained of energy. I am a mixed-media sculpture with a twisted steel frame, and the ground is a giant electromagnet too strong to struggle against.
I'm tired of typing out this sentence, but it's my usual story during blue seasons: If the Hubby hadn't stayed home today, I would've stayed in bed until he came back. It's true. Luckily Hubby has been and will be staying home for a few weeks, since he is in the process of switching careers (He was offered a full-time ministerial spot, and I know that's the sort of thing he wants to do for the rest of his life, so I'm really happy for him. But I feel too heavy to express any emotion right now).
To pull myself out of this rut, I decided I should go out and make pictures. I told the Hubby I wanted to go out and capture interesting photos today. I just have no idea where to go (yet), and I feel too tired to get dressed and make myself up so as to appear pleasant enough not to be too much of an eyesore to onlookers. I've considered going out wearing a hood and a mask, but I might just be mistaken for a cretin about to pull a robbery in broad daylight.
So maybe just the mask then?
This has been a super-extended depressive period for me, thanks to the mind-numbing, fatigue-inducing, suicidal-thought-evoking medication known as Pregabalin. I can't wait until I have to stop taking it.
