today's flavor: S L I G H T D Y S P H O R I A anxiety : 3
agitation : 1
unwanted ingredients: a sensation similar to depression but not exactly, due to the allergy tabs and the meds for my ailing wrist
I often wonder what people think when they hear the word "bipolar". I wonder what they think of me when they find out I'm bipolar.
I can't help noticing that some have preferred to distance themselves after the discovery - such behavior is evidence that they have misconceptions - and that they're probably bigoted. Often times those particular types are neither curious nor caring enough to be educated. Ptttthh. Well, screw them.
Possibly some of them do get hungry for details, or at least become intrigued by the so-called disorder. Naturally it is easier for them "normal people" to ask Google about bipolars rather than ask actual bipolars (perhaps it's because they'd rather not risk getting snapped at or bitten into by a crazy person). This is most unfortunate, because most articles on the subject are clinical, heartless "professional" opinions that basically just flatten us out into mentally ill patients, with no mention of how fascinating, how vibrant, loving, inspiring, brilliant or amazing we can be.
Furthermore, from searching online, "normal" people will read about our mood swings, our weird behavior, and it will freaking scare them into treading on eggshells. They'll stumble upon news about how this drunken celebrity is bipolar, that misbehaving celebrity is bipolar, and that celebrity who killed him/herself was bipolar. They'll just lump us all together in the Looney box. The more they find "professional" information on BMD, the more they'd get so afraid of our mysterious psychotic aberration, because the more they will be led to think we might just go berzerk on them, slash them to ribbins or do some other thing they'd rather we didn't.
They just don't know that because of the extreme anxiety common to all bipolars, we could be more afraid of them than they are of us.
And truthfully, because of their prejudice and myopia, the "normal" people hurt the bipolars more than vice-versa. It's really not fair to think we're the hurtful ones.
I wonder how they perceive bipolars.
Do they think that all of us are wasted like Amy Winehouse, Lindsay Lohan or Mel Gibson?
... That we're all sick and gloomy like Edgar Allan Poe?
Are they afraid we'd suddenly kill people and attempt to rule the world like Hitler or Napoleon?
Are they thinking we could suddenly pull a shocking stunt like shaving off all our hair a la Britney, or lop off an ear in the style of Van Gogh?
Do they think we're all schizophrenic? Do they even know the difference?
Are they anticipating we would overdose on a mad concoction of prohibited drugs, or execute a dramatic suicide like Virginia Woolf or Kurt Cobain?
Do they think it's always our fault we're like this?
It's a real shame whenever we get written off, especially by those who are close to us. A real frakking shame.
Bipolar Mood is quite diverse.
There's more to it than simply being "a mental disorder with mood swings" - that's an incomplete, unfair, one-dimensional way to look at things. In my opinion, it's not even right to call it a "disorder" or an "illness".
Indeed, all bipolars have mood swings, and we all experience the same common symptoms of depressions and elevations but our cycles vary in intensity and duration from person to person. More about that here.
On top of that, given the fact that individual people are influenced by their backgrounds, natural inclinations and so on, each individual bipolar has different manifestations and his/her own unique triggers.
To over-explain,
- Though our psychological make-up causes us to be addiction prone, we do not all have addictions. We don't all have problems with substance abuse, prohibited drugs or promiscuous sex.
- Bipolars may seem eccentric and quirky, but we aren't necessarily crazy, and the hell we aren't stupid. We in fact tend to be very intelligent and talented, often even way more intelligent than most "normal" people. So watch who you call an idiot.
- A lot of us are poets, musicians, artists and the-other-kind-of-artists, but we aren't all. Some end up as philosophers or politicians.
- We are indeed depression-prone, but we don't always go degrees darker than the most pathetic emo song. We aren't all broody and moody. In fact, we can be very vibrant and passionate.
- We indeed have our violent phases, but "bipolar" does not mean "sociopath". Though megalomanic notions are common, not all of us will act on them.
- We all are likely to have suicidal thoughts, but we don't always end up killing ourselves.
Though many a bipolar has been known to have a tragic existence - or even a tragic end - there are a lot who have learned to cope and even live productive, worthwhile lives.
Many of us are quite amazing -- Teddy Roosevelt and Abe Lincoln, two most widely-acknowledged to be among the best U.S. Presidents ever. Winston Churchill, who was kicka&& at just about everything. The Philosopher we call Plato. The musician we call Sting. Beloved comedians Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Robin Williams. Film geniuses Tim Burton, Francis Ford Coppola.
And oh - I almost forgot my favorite bipolar of all. King David, the epitome of awesome.
So if you think about it, them "normals" actually love the work of us with mercurial moods - e.g., they enjoy bipolars' words, music and art; even borrow to express themselves in ways the truly Byronic are able to - without knowing those were made by those they call "mentally ill".
The bottom line is that though bipolarity can get booze-drenched messy to rock star degrees and beyond, our lives aren't always so despicable. The "entire picture" can be tremendously fantastic, and I want people to know that.
I don't know how and when, but I want to be instrumental in changing perceptions toward people with mental conditions, particularly toward bipolars. I'll start by gnawing at my own friends (no pun intended) and making them see that we don't have to be labelled as if there's something wrong with us. We're freaking amazing.
I was born this way, and God makes no mistakes, and I don't need to hide it.
