When I am Depressed

Got this idea from another bipolar blogger. Thought it'd be useful. :)

If you are family, a friend or coworker, it would benefit us both if you knew this. Below is a list of behavior patterns symptomatic of my depressive episodes.  When I start exhibiting  one or more of the following, I need you to be understanding, and maybe even helpful.
Cheers!

REMINDER:  Depression is not the same as "being sad".  It's a complex emotion combined with hopelessness and a lack of energy.



when I am depressed ....

I would have an extreme sadness that tends to center on myself.  I won't talk about about it, but I will obsessively think about it.  You will notice I am always distracted.

I would be anxious and easily agitated.
The sadness can easily switch to anger, if anything upsetting should occur.

That anger will likely be turned inward.  I will try not to show it, but it will leak out in my choice of words, or the way I handle objects.  Try not to take it personally.


It would be hard for me to focus or concentrate.  Sometimes it would be hard to form sentences.

I would be snarky and irritable.  Nothing personal, just chemical.

I tend to be scatterbrained and forgetful when depressed. I can forget even my usernames or passwords.
I will have very low energy and overwhelming sadness.  I will smile when appropriate, but chances are, my smile will look like a frown.  It is also very likely that my smile will look insincere as it will dissipate quickly. 

I would feel extreme tiredness or fatigue.  It would be visible in my face and posture.

I will think slower than usual.  My left-brain functions (logic, mathematics, memorization) aren't very useful at this time.

My energy would be extremely low; sometimes I fall asleep while seated, even in public places.

I don't like it when people point out that I look sad or serious, I don't appreciate it when people try to jolly me up.  I will not have the energy to perk up.  Instead of smiling as asked, I may have a biting retort.

I will cry easily.

I could have a whole lot of anxiety.  Often it is an irrational kind of anxiety, i.e., I will cognitively know there's nothing to worry about, but I'd be emotionally upset over it regardless of what I know.

I would experience social anxiety / agoraphobia.  I would have At times I would prefer not to interact with others, or keep interaction to a minimum.  I may choose to hide out or ignore people - don't take it personally.

I won't be comfortable around new places or new people, but I will try my best.  Sometimes I could overcompensate, so I'd come off as intrusive or annoying. 

I will exhibit obsessive-compulsive behavior.  I will have little rituals and repetitions.

Interacting with other people, especially ones I don't know, would be very physically taxing.  I know the necessary skills to "fake it" just to act appropriately, but there will be times I won't be able to keep it up.

Sometimes it would be very difficult to talk to strangers, even just to ask directions or to pay for something at the cashier.  It's not because of laziness; it's due to fear.  The fear is an irrational one, so it can't be explained away.  I would know that there's nothing to be afraid of, but I would be in emotional unrest.

It would be harder than usual to get up from bed. At times, I won't even bother to get up unless someone helps me out. When the depression is severe, getting up is next to impossible and I would  spend the rest of the day crying in bed until the Hubby comes home, or someone calls, or something interesting happens.

I would have difficulty making decisions, even simple ones. Mornings are very difficult since I would need to make several choices - whether to get up or not, what to eat, what to wear. Believe it or nor, simply choosing what to wear would be a huge cause of stress and tears.

If I arrive late for appointments or events, I am likely depressed.  See previous item. It is not because I am lazy or undisciplined or anything like that (in my defense, I am quite sure I more disciplined and more hard-working than most people).   I always endeavor to come early, but I am many times unable to. I can't promise anything, and please don't hassle me about it.  The thought of of arriving late or disappointing other people adds to the pressure and compounds into an extremely anxious, agitated, depressed state - many times to the point of hopelessness ad immobility - and causes even more delay.

I will tend to look sleepy and sloppier than usual.  If I don't have make-up on, I am likely depressed.  

There have been times when I don't bother to eat or prepare food when depressed. I could lose a noticeable amount of weight.

There are other times when I found comfort in food, so I could also gain noticeably.

I get paranoid when left alone, and I often descend into debilitating thought patterns. I lose sight of my reason for living. I would feel dejected and hopeless, to the point that I would rather not live.

I would feel inconsolably lonely, and since I spend hours home alone on weekdays, I would feel the need to stay online just so I feel like I have company.

I would often have a desire to go out and do something (in fact, i need to go out and do something) but end up choosing not to because it would be too bothersome to get dressed, choose a place, and so on.

Everything would seem pointless.