anx : 1 , agit : 2
Impromptu art for this post by Me.Not that I 'm cynical toward "the Season of Peace and Joy"; it's just that peace and joy are tricky abstracts for a bipolar. For one thing, due to the constant mood fluctuations and the anxiety and irritability involved, peace and joy are elusive.
Bah humbug.
A lot of times, there is no peace, but constant anxiety in the background.
A lot of times, there is no joy, not even in slightly manic episodes.
For myself specifically, I experience a mere 4 to 8 weeks of normal / stable mood per year (this is according to the data I recorded through the use of journals and mood charts in the past three years).
For a Christian (such as myself) who values things such as inner peace and joy, the above facts are often a source of condemnation, more from others than from myself.
Peace and joy, like love, are often associated with feelings. I've just had to educate myself (and those around me) that these things are not necessarily the feelings themselves. Especially not for a bipolar, who will never get the feelings right. I've learned from church that love is not an emotion, but an action in which one acts lovingly toward the other, with or without the feelings. Now I'm coming to believe peace and joy can be the same way - they aren't feelings, but attitudes that cause the feelings. It's still kinda blurry for me right now to explain this theory well; I have to work on it further.
A few years ago, before I even knew what bipolar is, I wrote something about how feelings are shifting and unreliable, and thus shouldn't be the foundation for anything. This should be especially true for a manic-depressive, whose emotions are more extreme and shifts are more pronounced. For things that are normally associated with feelings, I believe we should learn to define them without the feelings and usual emotional manifestations.
