today's weather: B A S E L I N E
anxiety : o
agitation : 0
symptoms of elevation curbed by anti-allergy meds and carpal-tunnel treatment
EDIT: I caught a segment on "happy food" on television, in which a bipolar restauranteur was interviewed re. his passion for making mood-enhancing dishes. Whoever the segment's researcher was, he did a sloppy job of defining bipolar, oversimplifying things, irresponsibly generalizing type 1 bipolar as a "more severe" kind of bipolar, and type 2 as a "milder form". Fuckit, that is hardly accurate and very misleading, because both types can involve extreme emotions and behaviors. Though there are mild or slight episodes, it is a gross misnomer to say "mild" or "slight" bipolar.
Bipolar Mood is basically characterized by cycles of elevation and depression. Though Bipolars are all prone to violent mood swings, we don't all swing the same way. There are two general types and I'm going to attempt to explain them without the medical-book jargon.
Type I
In a nutshell, Type I has longer, more extremely elevated episodes alternating with shorter depressed ones.
e.g., 2 weeks depressed - then four months elevated - then one week depressed - six weeks elevated - and so on.
It would be significant to know that the longer an elevation is, the longer a person is vulnerable to the triggers. Try to picture this:
bipolar person is in a manic / elevated episode.
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trigger comes, elevates the episode further
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another trigger comes, further elevation
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another trigger, further elevation
So the elevation just keeps getting heightened until triggers are eliminated or until the mood cycles downward. Get it?
Without treatment, the prolonged highs could be catapulted to megalomaniacal, violent degrees.
Interspersed between elevations, depressions still occur. Type I depressions don't quite reach the deepest, darkest depths of despair, but they are extremely vile nonetheless. That is why bipolars (of either type) try to combat depression at the onset, using drugs, alcohol, sex, self-mutilation or whatever desperate measures they see fit to distract themselves. And that is why it is necessary for them to seek professional help.
Due simply to the longer elevations (and because elevations introduce a feeling of invincibility), those with Type I tend to be more prone to bad decisions, destructive behavior and substance abuse. They are also less likely to seek or accept help; i.e., when you try to make them go to rehab, they'd likely say No, No, No. Here's why:
- In an elevation, a bipolar feels absolutely super. Overly positive, sometimes to the point of denial; overly self-confident to the point of megalomaniacal.
- They may even insist they don't have a problem. Since they stay longer in elevations, it takes a longer time for them to come down and be remorseful of unwise decisions.
- They won't let themselves go down (explained earlier), so sometimes the remorse won't come at all. By the time their emotions are lowered, their minds would be so addled with regulated substances and there wouldn't be enough clarity to make any good judgments.
- Since they feel great about themselves - sometimes to the point of feeling indestructible - they won't really care about what other people say. Not their loved ones, not the doctors, not the law, not Oprah, possibly not even a police officer with a loaded gun aimed right at their head.
- They might know they have a problem, but they would rather choose addiction over depression - anything over the tragic lows of depression.
Type I people are thus considered purveyors of self-destruction. These are people like Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen, Kurt Cobain, Amy Winehouse.
My doctor told me that I'm a Type I, but I think she may be wrong. I've never fallen into substance abuse or any kind of addiction. (Now if you were paying attention to what I've written so far, you would have noticed something chuckle-worthy about this last paragraph. ;) )
What I think is awesome about Type I: The fearlessness. While it could border on sheer idiocy, the gutsy attitude stoked by long elevations could accomplish much. It produces a risk-taking, decisive, impulsive confidence that causes bipolars to do things other people wouldn't dare, with a brazenness and immediacy that may shock onlookers. That can lead to life-changing, history-making events - either good or bad. Of course, this sort of attitude can be counterproductive too, but just put that negativity on the shelf for now.
Type II
The second type has longer, deeper depressions and briefer elevations.
e.g., two weeks elevated - then six weeks depressed - then six days elevated - then one month depressed - one month elevated - two months depressed, and so on.
It isn't right at all to say that Type II is a milder or "slight" form of bipolar, since there is nothing slight about it. I'LL EXPLAIN.
Elevations are rarely as full-blown as those of Type I, but they can still entail extreme moods, i.e., joy, elation or anger in degrees that aren't quite "normal". These ups are mostly mixed episodes that are more snarky than cheery. The "happy emotions" are not so completely pleasant since they are tainted with irritability and anxiety. A positive mood could come off as an antagonistic or sarcastic kind of bliss - more like dark humor than wholesome comedy - but it's still bliss for the bipolar.
PICTURE THIS: In an elevation, it is possible to be very happy and very angry at the same time. Can't picture it? Think of the Joker in The Dark Knight. Furthermore, "anger" is an understatement; the emotion is more often like rage. There is nothing freaking slight about that.
Since the depressions are longer in this type, episodes have the capacity to stretch on and grow more intense with each passing day. Every trigger makes the depression go deeper and deeper and deeper, until the cycle switches or the meds to their work ... or until the bipolar decides to off himself.
Type IIs, like Type I bipolars, are also prone to bad decisions, repulsive behavior and substance abuse, but it seems they're not quite as enslaved to it. The reason for this is the shorter elevations. The longer visits to the doldrums keep them lethargic most of the time, i.e., they often don't have enough energy to go out and do something stupid. The longer depressions also afford a bit more introspection (often, a bit too much), and thus a bit more caution.
What I think is awesome about Type II: the well of creative emotion. In the case of artistic individuals, immersing oneself into the dark days make for some extraordinary art. Take a look at the writings of Edgar Allan Poe, or the paintings of Edvard Munch to see what I mean. A few famous people with Bipolar II are Catherine Zeta-Jones, comedian Stephen Fry and Carrie Fisher. And oh - Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill.
So there.
Besides the classifications of Type I and Type II, there are sub-types characterized by rapid cycling (switching more than once within one week), even ultra-rapid cycling (switching within the day). People with faster cycles are less prone to drown themselves in their episodes since the episodes don't last that long.
Bipolar Mood has general symptoms, but each individual who has it has different manifestations. More on this in the next post.
