anxiety : 3
agitation : 3
My holidays weren't so happy. I spent New Year's Eve and New Year's Day mostly in bed with a stomach flu and an earnest death wish. I don't think I've ever had a stomach flu before, and it was surprisingly, painfully stressful. Supremely unenjoyable. The price I pay for adventurous eating.
2011 was kind to me, though not as fantastic as I had hoped it would be. It was generally okay naman. But considering the back-to-back winning moments I expected but did not experience, the latter half of the year was a string of letdowns.
I haven't yet sufficiently collected myself to formulate any decent plans and expectations for 2012. In truth, I've been too steeped in a dark disposition the past several days as to be practically drowning. It's possibly due to the Benadryl I've been downing to ward off the allergic rhinitis. Or possibly not - when the Benadryl fails to lull me into a peaceful sleep, I lie awake sobbing from the scare of a less-than-desirable fate. For weeks now (since the appearance of the string of letdowns, I mean), I've been attempting to keep my mind preoccupied with various DVDs so as not to sink into an unmanageable despair over things I wish to change but can't right now (I would if I could, I swear; but I lack resources so I'm stymied). It's not an ideal solution, but it's survival.
2012 should be better. I'm hoping.
