today's flavor: S L I G H T D E P R E S S I O N anxiety : 1
agitation : 0.5
I've just come home from a meeting and I feel drained. I know for certain that I haven't done anything wrong, but I feel like I have. It's a bipolar-related neurosis, this obsessive oversensitivity, feeling guilty over things I may or may not have done; and because I'm a Christian it's a much bigger deal.
I have neither the events nor the evidence, but I feel so hated. Paranoia. Paranoia. I keep telling myself not to make a fuss about it. The Hubby says I have nothing to worry about since I did nothing so detestable -- but I can never be sure about what other people think, right?
Oh, I pray that God will show me mercy tonight and let me sleep in peace. I don't want to ruminate about this tonight. Especially when I have to wake up early tomorrow.
Please Lord, please.
I feel like the world is against me, waiting and watching for the right time to impale me on their evil intentions. I am to them an ogre, and the hunt is on.
I exaggerate of course, but that's why it's paranoia.
If I keep thinking about this, I'll implode. And I don't want to, because I'm just too tired to deal with anything right now. I feel like I exhausted my last few ounces of energy on propriety but failed anyway.
Give me props at least for not giving in to the social anxiety today.
