zombie nights, zombie days

severe elevation|high elevation| moderate elevation| slight elevation|stable| slight depression|moderate depression|deep depression|severe depression||anx: 1, agit: 1


I really hate waking up in the middle of the night with a hyperactive mind. I hate it. My imagination uncontrollably rushes to and fro, and on top of that I keep reviewing the events of the day and analyzing how things could have been better, as well as racing forward into the following days in anxious anticipation. All that while I'm too tired to do anything else but sleep.

Last night was horrible. I already knew from earlier in the evening that I'd have a hard time getting to sleep, so I took a light antihistamine to get me groggy enough for bed. I think I fell asleep almost immediately, but the grogg wore off and I was up in the middle of the night.

Unfortunately for me, I had no more antihistamines or sleep-inducers.
Melatonin isn't very useful.
Chamomile tea (or any sort of tea or caffeinated beverage) is not a very good idea.
I was tempted to down all the remaining Lithium tablets.
That would result in poisoning, of course.

Tempting, but no.

And that was just the first of a series of wicked wakings. My imagination kept spewing images of a black-and-white portrait of myself in front of a stark background with red spatter. I just didn't want to entertain any thoughts at such a pulled taffy state; all I wanted to do was rest but I couldn't stop myself from replaying conversations in my head. I was even mentally composing this blog entry.