I recently received a bit of news about a certain other person and how she was found to have a physical illness that will incapacitate her for the rest of her life. Though this person is someone who is supposed to be (meaning expected to be considering the affinity and circumstances, but never actually has been by our personal preferences, but at the level of maintaining a level of civility) a friend, I find myself not having the least bit of sympathy for her.
Okay, okay. Before I am accused of being heartless and cruel: I may feel a little bit sorry for her.
But really, it seems I'm not as concerned about her as other people are.
For that matter, I sense a slight tinge of Well, there you go. Ha-ha! Even a little spark of (shameful) joy and hope that she'll be moving further into the background of my day-to-day scenery. I'm sorry, I am so evil. Shame on me.
And I can't help thinking that she deserves it, considering that she hasn't been very merciful toward other people. I'm sorry. I'm really vile. Well, fine, if "she deserves it" is too strong a sentiment, then let me shift into saying that it'll be good for her in the sense that it will cause her to sympathize with others, i.e., those others whom she previously considered lower and weaker than herself and treated with indifference.
Perhaps it's just my miffled-muffled state right now that keeps me from sending softy-warm emotions her way.
But I know that's not it, because I have still softy emotions today for people (even animals) I like.
Aww, H - E - double hockey sticks, it's schadenfreude, i admit it.
It just so happens that the aforementioned friendly non-friend with said debilitating physical sickness is also the same person whom I found to be one of the most unsympathetic toward me when I sought mercy as I struggled with a severe depression, and even later when I revealed that the depression turned out to be part and parcel of Bipolarity.
I just can't withdraw enough from my nicey-nice-sentiments bank for someone who just didn't make enough deposits. I don't even want to try.
I'm not going to be unkind to her or anything like that. I'm not entirely apathetic either. It's just that it's difficult for me to be sincerely concerned.
