wake me up when september ends, part 2

severe elev. | high elev.| moderate elev.| slight elev. || BASELINE || slight dep.| moderate dep. | deep dep. | severe dep. || anx: 0 | agit: 1


August to September is usually the time when I'm most pathetically depressed. Really, I'd much rather sleep through September and reboot when the mixed-but-mostly-elevated-episodes kick in (usually) in October. I was stuck in the blues for the past couple or twos, so I needed to turn to the happy yellow pills for some enlightenment. I'm doing better now; not quite fantastic but a bit more realistic. I was hoping I wouldn't have to turn to the yellow pills again because though they give me a helpful and much-appreciated lift, they boost anx., agit. and aggr.

Of course the very loving Hubby's constant affection and emotional support has been extremely beneficial in establishing some sort of security and making life considerably easier. Without it, I would've ditched for good a long time ago.

There's something about the feeling of being not just loved, but needed and wanted as well, that makes me feel ... uh, I dunno ... significant? ... that life is worth all the turmoil? ... that here's something to be happy about despite internal rainy-days on-end? ... like there's a reason to live after all?

I want, I want to be want to be wanted,
I need, I need to be needed ...

And it was helpful to have met a nice older lady - non-doctor, non-counselor, non-church minister - who could help me heal.

It also doesn't hurt that I bought some new books to give me some new preoccupation.

I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
I'm beggin' you to beg me

I'll shine up the old brown shoes, put on a brand-new shirt
I'll get home early from work if you say that you love me...