today's weather: B A S E L I N Eanxiety : 0
agitation : 0
This morning as I was praying and reading scripture, I recalled something God dropped in my spirit around a decade ago.
It was early in the year 2000; I was praying with a few of my friends. Pastor L instructed us to ask God for a word for our lives. At that time I was still learning to hear from God, so the reception was a bit fuzzy, but I was so sure of two words that resonated within me that morning: sorrow and glory.
There was a third word, something with a sense of positivity to it, but it's unclear.
I shared it with the group, kind of disappointed that I didn't have anything profound, and also bummed that the word sorrow was in it. I felt like God was telling me he cut me out for a life of sorrow. But of course I couldn't ignore the other word in there, glory, which isn't the opposite of sorrow but something much, much better than its opposite, so it wasn't a bad message to receive at all.
My then-best friend M, with her hyperfast spirit-radar, asked God for a confirmation/ interpretation and immediately got one in the form of scripture. James 4:10, Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. I wasn't so hot about the context of that entire chapter, since it was originally addressed to "adulterous people" and "enemies of God" (of which I was definitely not!) but verse 10 was encouraging by itself. It was safe for us to suppose God only meant verse 10, just for the purpose of edification. At that time I almost thought God was condemning me, and it took some counseling to convince me that He was not, and that He would not ever. Which is beside the point. Moving on.
We were told to let the received words simmer in our spirits for a while, pray about them, inquire of God about them and so on. As I did so, I sort of had this impression that my life was going to be a cycle of sorrow and glory, sorrow and glory, sorrow and glory. Of humbling myself before the Lord and being lifted up by him over and over. I remember being disappointed that it wasn't all just glory. I mean, who wants sorrow, right?
Through the years, I would periodically be reminded of that sorrow-glory message from God, but it was only this morning that it rang with clarity. The truth of it was just so freaking simple, I couldn't believe I hadn't noticed it before. I almost laughed upon realizing that God was telling me I was bipolar, way before anyone had a clue. Yes, it makes perfect sense.
