today's weather: S L I G H T D Y S P H O R I A anxiety : 1
agitation : 1
Actually, I think this is supposed to be an elevation.
Yes, I'm currently in an elevation.
Thoughts a-rushing like a mad waterfall, neon-glowing inspiration, elusive sleep. I laugh a lot though I feel very agitated. Best of all, I have genuinely happy thoughts and a constant smile.
The thing is, all that laughter and my constant smile is mostly on the inside. No one else can see it, but it's there, I swear. I've just been having some difficulty getting my physical body to say "I'm happy and I know it", so I kinda look like I'm all saddy instead of smiley.Here's why: I'm currently on a nightly dose of Pregabalin, and Cetirizine Hydrochloride. The Pregabalin was prescribed by a rheumatologist for the impinged nerve/s in my hand/s. The Cetirizine is for my allergies; my rashes made a comeback and I'd prefer not to have them around. I chose not to take any drugs in the morning anymore (as per rheumatologist's suggestion) because they cause drowsiness and just drown me of energy. I mean drain me of energy. Not drown.
But since I'm actually in an elevation, I have just enough energy to go through the day despite the drowsiness. I'm just lethargic, but I can afford the strength to resist going back to bed, and my mind is (semi) sharp (at least sharp enough to watch science documentaries and remember most of it). Besides, I've written myself lengthy to-do lists, I don't want to waste time in a horizontal position.
So yeah, this is actually an elevation that has been tapered by sleepy side effects similar to the traits of a depression, so it is in effect a mixed episode.
But believe or not - as drowsy as the meds make me, I still can't freaking sleep. At most I can take several intermittent naps at night. No matter how tired I make myself in the day, the depths of sleep elude me; all I can do is swim over the surface.
It's possible of course that the sleep-loss is partially due to the discomfort caused by wrist guards. Sheesh, I have to sleep with wrist-guards now, on both hands, until they heal up. Good thing Dr. Rheumatologist didn't tell me to wear them the whole day. I still have to take the Pregabalin for around three months, so I suppose that's how long I still have to wear those wrist guards.
Speaking of the Pregabalin -- I did my own research and discovered its other side effects (Notice how doctors give prescriptions without mentioning the possible side effects?). After reading on Pregabalin's description and indication and so on, I get sucker-punched by a paragraph that starts with "You may have suicidal thoughts while on this drug". Oh, great. "You may suffer from depression".
Since I already have suicidal thoughts even without the drug, does that mean I'll have them more frequently and/or more intensely? I haven't noticed a difference yet. I should have told the rheumatologist I'm bipolar. But I didn't, because I didn't think it mattered. Darn.
But aside from the suicide note I began to mentally compose the other day, I think I'm okay. Well, I'll give the doc a call if things get worse. Tsk. But so far so good.
