severe elevation | high elevation | moderate elevation | slight elevation | normal | slight depression | moderate depression | deep depression | severe depression || anx : 1 , agit : 1
'Tis the season to be ... jolly?(I need to put creds for this but I've had it so long, I don't remember where I got it).
I hate Decembers.
And it's not a bah humbug, anti-Christmas spirit. I actually like the holidays and I enjoy participating in the feasting, gift-exchanging and other niceties implied. For that matter, though I think Christmas has become so commercialized and overrated, I also think Scroogery has become a sore, pathetic attempt at nonconformity.
So lemme just get that straight: I like Christmas. At least I think I do. I'm usually generally apathetic about it and have learned not too expect too much, but I more or less like Christmas.
It's just that December has often been unkind to me.
Let me explain: My chemical fluctuations have proven to be most unpredictable sometime around this time of the year. Mixed episodes, i.e., symptoms of both elevation and depression at the same time. Mixed like Christmas fruit salad with raisins and cheap cheese cubes that don't belong there. How's that for torture?The drugs, me thinks, aren't even much use at this time since having mixed episodes makes it kinda hard to gauge which drugs to continue on, increase, decrease and so on.
Furthermore, the happy Yuletide season is laden with all sorts of triggers and stressors that make a fine and dandy mess out of me.
Deadlines, traffic, crowds, decisions.
Shopping. Wrapping. Accumulated clutter.
Colds. Rashes. Cold rashes.
Required appearances. Obligatory parties.Screaming nephews. Noise pollution. The neighbors' videoke vice on full blast; Aegis, Bon Jovi, April Boy and belter songs they can't possibly reach.
Prying in-laws. Annoying questions such as "When will you have kids?" and "What do you do for a living?".
A lot of times I do end up Grinch-like and wish I could flush December down the toilet along with my vomit.
I'm not even going to say I hope this Christmas will be a great one and blah. I'm pretty sure there will be some things good about it, as well as some things not-so-good. Hubby and I have to make sure to have a holiday after the Holidays. De-stress after all the Season's stress.
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I'm kinda glad the Hubby decided not to spend on gifts for this Christmas. Aside from the benefit of saving money, we also minimize on the hassles of shopping crowds and traffic jams.
We aren't Scrooging our way through the holidays; not at all. We just decided not to succumb to the modern traditions that really have nothing to do with Christ's birth. Of course I feel slightly bad (and embarassed) that I won't be giving anything to anyone, but I suppose they'll understand if I said we're trying to save cash, right? Besides, after February, no one will give a fig about it.
But anyway, I thought of ordering little chocolates to give out as gifts. Just in case .
It's otherwise a good feeling, actually. I mean , compared to how I usually feel in December. I'm not worrying as much as I used to about gifts and wrappings and ribbons. I'm glad I didn't swim through the stinking sea of people at Divisoria. I like that I don't have to stay up late working and embellishing. I like that I have a lot less things to think about this year. I like that I don't have to make my dysphoria /dysphoric mania worse than it already is.
