Oh No, Not Again. Not Now.

severe elevation | high elevation | moderate elevation | slight elevation | normal | slight depression | moderate depression | deep depression | severe depression || anx : 1 , agit : 1


A week ago I was fine and dandy and moderately energetic. Today I'm in the blue zone. I feel fatigued and I haven't even begun the day yet (it's almost 2 pm at the time of writing this, by the way). No reason. It's just the chemical imbalance.

I woke up this morning feeling like I didn't want to feel. I didn't want to live my life, didn't want to face the day, didn't even want to get up from bed. I notice I've begun to sink into unhealthy rumination again. Oh, I hate this.

And then - given the fact that Decembers mean mixed episodes for me - the energy and enthusiasm for life might spring back in after a few days. Or a few hours.

I read somewhere that these in-between shifts are the times when Bipolars are most suicide- prone. I can see how true that is. Either way, true or not, I'd prefer not to be alone these days so as to decrease the destructive introspection and rumination. I constantly need someone to talk to and something engaging to do, as a safeguard against retreating into a deeper depression.

And I'd just like to say again - I hate this.