just. shoot. me.

severe elevation | high elevation | moderate elevation | slight elevation | stable | slight depression | moderate depression | deep depression | severe depression || anx: 1, agit: 2

It seems I've shifted into a depression sometime in the past several days.And thanks to a series of stressors and insensitive people, I melted into a mashdown the other night throughout yesterday morning.

I (and the hubby and the sibs) have been shuttling to and from the hospital this past week and a half, alternately watching over our dad as he recuperates from his brain surgery. I enjoyed it at first, but like I said, I think I shifted sometime. Besides that, while I watched my dad, I haven't been able to watch myself; while I monitored his meds, I forgot about mine. The whole emergecy atmosphere, you know. Even the hubby forgot to watch me, even if i told him several times that the stress was becoming too much to bear and that i needed to rest. All they'd tell me would be "Well, so do I" / "I'm tired too" / "Like you're the only one". Darnit. But they're not bipolar ad trigger-prone. I need special care too, hello. And I should't be deprived of sleep for days in a row; doctor's orders. So there, despite my trying to keep things together for the sake of my dad, hubby caught the full brunt of my disintegration yesterday. Screaming fits and crying and crashing plates and broken glasses while I was washing the dishes, suicide plans while I sobbed i bed afterward, because I just can't take any more pressure.That's what happens for ignoring my complaints the past several days.

I'm particularly upset at the hubby for ignoring me, and at my brother for being such a prick. And at my epal uncle for being such a nag. I couldn't even bring out the bipolar card because they'll just accuse me of hamming it up. I wish someone could stand up for me at times like these.

It is extremely detrimental to ignore a bipolar's complaints of agitation or anxiety. You shouldn't just brush them off. The thing to do is to find ways to alleviate the stress, or else the episode will worsen and wreak hell. You can't just expect them to respond to stress like normal people, and there's no point in insisting that they should. And yes, to your extreme disappointment, your bipolar family member / friend will have to be dependent on you, so you have to be the caring, understanding one a lot of the time. So there.