Agoraphobia

severe elevation | high elevation | moderate elevation | slight elevation | stable | slight depression | moderate depression | deep depression | severe depression || anx: 2 | agit: 1

Agoraphobia is one of those other nasty things that relate with Bipolar Mood Condtion. Without yet knowing the word for it, I had a discussion about it with Dr. C last year but she didn’t really say much about it except that it’s quite normal for a bipolar. I haven't been able explore it with her further, primarily since I keep ditching my appointments (Bad patient, bad patient. I haven’t seen Dr. C in such a long time, she must think I’ve gone ahead and killed myself already). But thanks to the wonderful world of http://www, I did me some bit of research.

a g o r a p h o b i a
(n.) an anxiety disorder characterized by an irrational fear of being in an unfamiliar or public place, which is actually precipitated by a irrational fear of being trapped in an uncontrollable situation.

This is IrReverend Mar's run-on sentence paraphrase.
See the Wiki article from which I DID NOT plagiarize.

A simplified list of symptoms can be found in this lady’s blog. I experience most of the listed symptoms during depressions, specifically in moderate to severe depressive episodes. I'm not too observant about the physical/somatic manifestations so I'm not too sure about not having them.

When I am in a stable condition, I’d like to think I am fairly sociable; on the selective side but not quite antisocial. I usually enjoy being around other people; I like parties, happy crowds and trying out new things (or people. hee hee). When I am elevated, I can get extremely intrusive - i.e., too friendly to the discomfort zone of some. Of most, actually.

When depressed, I could feel vulnerable as a turtle stripped of a shell, i.e., good as dead and trying to avoid the imminent doom.


The agoraphobe in me:
A complication of depression

• There have been times when I'd refuse to leave home for days because of an extreme fear that something horrible would happen to me "out there". I'd simply panic at the thought of going out or interacting with "outside people", sometimes to the point of tears and / or immobility.
• Irrational is the word to describe the fear. I could logically understand and accept that nothing bad could possibly happen, but that doesn't do much for the overwhelming feeling of unsafeness.
• I'd fear that I'd panic excessively / fig out / spaz / faint/ wail / vomit / bleed to death / hurt myself / murder someone / lose my clothes / manifest demons / stab my jugular in desperation / fall over and die / make an utter idiot of myself / have something equally appalling happen to me in front of many people.
  
• In case I couldn't ditch an event where crowds or public places are involved (such as family gatherings or church functions), I could rely on the Hubby to drag me. Though I'd be present, I'd withdraw as far away as I can practically get, in whatever sense possible.
• This (the previous statement, I mean) is the reason some people perceive me as shy, while that is light years from the truth. I just really think they're d***s.
• Paranoia, Paranoia, Everybody's coming to get me... I'd feel distrust, discomfort, dislike, sometimes even a strong hatred toward others, and I'd be sure they feel the same way toward me.
• It's not uncommon for me to experience the anxiety even in an acceptably "safe" place such as a relative's house or at church - the same church I've been going to for the past decade, the same people I interact with every week.
  
• I just should not be left alone in a crowd when I'm depressed, or the panic would worsen. Dependence right there. I'd have this constant need to be attended to, physical contact required. I'd trust no one with this task except the Hubby alone; everyone else is an object of distrust and distaste.
  
  

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Famous agoraphobes
Photos nicked from here, here, here, here, here and here.

Woody Allen, American actor /director.
I find it amusing that actors and public figures could be agoraphobic considering that their professions are full of unfamiliar people and places. I wonder how they cope. Makes me muse about how they are still able to perform, and why they still choose to stay in their line of work.


Barbra Streisand, singer.







Kim Basinger, actress.
I read somewhere that she said her phobia grew from a knowledge that people were staring at her. I guess in her case it was acquired.



Donny and Marie Osmond, the cutie-cutie brother-and-sister from duo the 70's, now a cutie-cutie-but-it's-not-working-anymore-even-after-all-the-cosmetic-surgery brother-and-sister has-been duo. The disorder can run in families too.





Howard Hughes, aviator, engineer, overall eccentric.
That guy had a conglomerate of disorders, methinks. Interesting soul. I'm not sure Leo did a good job of him in The Aviator, though some say he did. In that case I conclude Howard Hughes was much like Billy Costigan, Frank Abagnale, Louie XIV and Jack Dawson.


Sigmund Freud, progenitor of modern psychoanalysis. I suppose all his staying indoors gave him more steam for propelling into his twisted theories. Go figure.

Mike Villar, Filipino satire blogger and intarnetz celebrity. He claimed in one of his old online journal entries to have the anxiety disorder. With a very amusing satirical account of his therapy sessions with a sexy shrink, besides.
(I was unable to find a good black-and-white photo of the guy)

Wings Soriano, Filipino musician, songwriter, record producer. One of those in the noughties' sea of acoustic artists whose music I've never even heard. I know he isn't really famous famous, but I just want to mention him here just 'cause I'd crushed on him back in high school and I still think he's cute even if he's already a father of two.

So there. Agoraphobia. Another plushie identified in the BiPer Menagerie. Sweet, ain't it?