seven sorry squatters in my slee-deprived mind

severe elevation | high elevation | moderate elevation | slight elevation | stable | slight depression | moderate depression | deep depression | severe depression || anx: 2 | agit: 1

I'm not sure where to start.

Fine I'll start anywhere.

1. Enter, sleepless nights, sleepless nights.

I've recently made it my (bad) habit to sleep in the morning. I hate waking up alone and would much rather wake up when the Hubby is already home from work. But I think I already mentioned that in my previous post.


2. Four-letter words are resounding in my head.

Four letter words. Like love, or Lord, or cake or juce -- what did you think?

But seriously, I'm on volatile, rub-me-the-wrong-way-and-I-will-unleash-my-arsenal-of-explicit-cusswords mode, F*ckit.

But I won't do that of course, because I am an educated, well-mannered individual capable of restraining myself from appalling behavior. Ha!

I'd really rather just avoid people right now. But that poses a dilemma ...


3. I'm disintegrating into an overwhelming sense of loneliness.

Like deathly so that I constantly crave worthwhile company and a meaningful conversation. Not sure where I can get either.


3. I realize that my mind hasn't been as sharp as it used to be ever since the last severe depressive episode.

Either that or when i started taking Lithium. Darn you, Lithium.


4. I am wading in an utter sense of nostalgia.

Has-beens and could-have-beens and should-have-beens are go!


5. I have an extreme hate for this depedency.

Dependency goes with Bipolar; in my case more so during depression. Darnit, I hate that I can't do anything or go anywhere without someone right now (there is this hauting paranoia that something wrong will happen when I am alone), and I hate even more that I can't do otherwise.


5. There were so many things i wanted to do and attend this week, but never got to.

Not to a freaking single one. See above.


6. That porn girl on Sen. Jamby Madrigal's blog has fake boobs.

They say it's Maui Taylor, but I think it doesn't look like her. Anyway, I just can't help noticing. They aren't natural.


7. I think I had a nice time at worship today.

Even though it was a bad hair bad skin day and I wanted to be invisible as plankton.


8. I keep seeing myself pulling a Pvt. Pyle.

Every few seconds, various tools. Given that my judgment and my restraint is impaired by my severe lack of sleep, I at this time feel brave and psychotic enough to actually pull it.

But I won't.

Hey. at least it isn't a Jeremy this time.


7. The color i chose for this font, when placed against my site's dark background, would make it look like something from one of those old-skool green-screen monitors. eh.