lith-less, and so far so good

severely elevated | very elevated | moderately elevated | slightly elevated | BASELINE | slightly depressed | moderately depressed | deeply depressed | severe depressed || anxious : 0 | agitated: 1

Still not putting myself back on Lithium. It's been a month now I think. I'll push this as far as I can go. I really want to ditch this "underwater feeling" - that supposedly manageable state that is neither comfortable nor normal, but feels like a headache without the pain.

I'll start taking Li again when I get too murderous or phobic. I don't have to reach that place. I think won't, as long as I can stay away from as much triggers and as possible and manage the stressors. Wishful thinking? Yeah, I know. But I just want to give it a try. I don't want to be a dumbed-down drug dependent for the rest of my life.

I've been successful so far. I've been in a bit of dysphoria these days. What I do is I tell the Hubby about any feeling pertaining to depression or elevation as soon as I identify it, i.e., "I am feeling sad," "This excites me," - just that simple. If he knows I'm sad, we'll do something to cheer me up, and so on. It makes me feel safer for him to know - even if he wouldn't necessarily know what to do if I swung to extremes.

I think I'm able to think clearer and faster now. I think, okay.

The downside of skipping Li is that I often feel extremely anxious and agitated. I've yelled at the Hubby several times these past few (my bad, yeah, just shoot me). I obsess obsess obsess obsess about things and it's driving me to more anxiety.

Another is that the voices and noises are getting noisier. More about that later. I have to sleep now.