today's weather:S L I G H T D E P R E S S I O N
anxiety : 0.5(?) | agitation : 1
today's unwanted guests: see attendance below
I was earlier insisting to myself that I am not depressed today but just really sad.
I was telling myself that I was sad not due to some hormone fluctuation, but that there was an actual reason reason behind it. But I could not identify a single one.
I was insisting that I was not anxious nor paranoid. But I kept fidgeting like I felt like I was being watched.
I denied that I had trouble getting out of bed the past few. I know of course I did.
I insisted that my crumbling to tears last night after reading an e-mail was rational. A harmless, send-to-all type business e-mail.
I insisted that I am not upset. But the tumbled tumbler on the dresser and the drink on the floor testify to the opposite.
I insisted that I was not hearing noises. It's just that the sound of passing planes, whizzing cars and barking dogs kept spelling out my name.
I insisted that I haven't been feeling any socially anxiety nor the need to be reclusive. I'm just feeling really antisocial. I just don't think it's the right time to mingle with other people.
I was insisting that I had not been obsessive lately. I know because I checked and double checked and double checked and triple checked. Like I checked and double checked and double checked and triple checked my spelling, spacing and punctuations. No, no OCB there. In fact I went to Starbucks, and while I waited for my change, I bothered to fluff the bags of potato chips on display at the counter and propped them up just so they rested equidistantly in a perfect row. I pushed the canisters of mint to one side of their compartment so they made a single crisp edge. And I could not resist transferring one biscuit package to another cubbyhole just so both cubbyholes had the same amount of biscuits packages.
No, I am not experiencing the symptoms of depression.
