today's weather:
S L I G H T . D E P R E S S I O N
anxiety : 1 | agitation : 1
Suddenly life lost its meaning again. I'm back to wallowing in the blogosphere and making crap jewelry, crap poetry. My fallback, the unwanted destiny. Just when I thought there was a step up and out. Goodbye, online job that I loved so much; hello again ennui and meaninglessness.
It kinda feels like the time when I was a kid and someone gifted me with a big chocolate bar, which I got excited over. But then that chocolate bar was taken away because I wasn't good enough to deserve it, and it was given to someone else. It kinda feels like that. Only in a bigger scale concerning real-life things.
I'm telling myself it's not that bad... But that doesn't give me any direction.
I don't want to go back down and in, I don't want to stay here, but I don't know how to proceed. I really don't.
I really don't.
On the upside, at least I am no longer with Raven Corp. and don't feel so trapped. So in a way, things are good. Things might not be getting better at this point, but it's at least better than last year and the year before.
