today's weather: S L I G H T. D Y S P H O R I A anxiety : 1 | agitation : 2
today's unwanted guests: creative spurt, extra energy with a feeling of fatigue (weird, huh?), voices and noises and presences. dammit.
For the past three nights I've capped the day with iced rum mocha. Plus 100mg of Diphenhydramine to help make me sleep (One little capsule does't work on me anymore so I popped two). My own mild version of Moloko plus.
Alex and his Moloko Plus. Pic from here.Last night though I rethought my new night ritual because I was on the wrong edge of edgy for a few hours after drinking. My doctor will kill me when she hears about my experimental cocktail, if ingesting it doesn't kill me first. Racing heartbeat, excess energy, mild tremors, an urge to scream and laugh and run and fall down. My minor hallucinations were having minor hallucinations. I imagine would be the sensation behind Alex Delarge's tolchok sprees.
That's what happens to me when I mix stimulants with relaxants. I think my high school Health teacher taught us about this; no wonder. It reminds me of a time three years ago when I drank Red Bull while doped up on Unisom (althought last night's trip was not at all as extreme nor fun). Or this time back in college when ... uh, okay, never mind.
I felt so creatively inspired yesterday so I was tempted to skip sleep again. Swimming around in my head were design ideas and various matters of concern; I had to force them out of the pool so it could be cleaned for use the next day. Skipping sleep isn't good - that's why I took the Diphenhydramine.
I have no excuse for the rum mocha though, save for a sweet tooth. Maybe tonight I should just stick with a carton of ice cream.
