today's weather: M O D E R A T E D E P R E S S I O N
anxiety : 1
agitation : 3
This is bad.
It's 3 pm and I haven't gotten out of bed yet.
Well, I can't exactly. And I don't really have a reason to.
I've decided to wait for the Hubby to arrive from work. Maybe he can help me up. I don't know if he's called yet because my phone's batt is drained, and I haven't gotten up to charge it. I don't really have a reason to.
I managed to drag myself out of bed a few hours ago, out of pity for our rabbits - they were out of food and hungry. At any time they could start nibbling on the newspaper lining their litter boxes. Or they might start chewing the bookshelves. Or the books. I got up just to feed the bunnies and went on with my day.
Being that "went on with my day" means "I went back to bed to wallow".
In bed at a most uncomfortable but least-need-to-exert-effort position (lying on my side, with the laptop on my lap at a diagonal - just try to imagine it), I went online to prevent myself from being overwhelmed by nasty thawts. Quite a few have been creeping in already.
Viewing other people's lovely photos on FB depresses me. I'd like to explain how that happens to me, but I doubt anyone else would get it anyway. Besides, brain energy and focus ability too low right now. I can't finish a crossword puzzle under 30 minutes anymore. I can't even retain what I've just read.
But I feel the need to log this. Maybe for future reference.
I constantly feel like I'm on the verge of tears. One minor upset could render me bawling. Actually, I'm already tearing up just keying this in. No joke.
Been feeling soooooo tired. Not ever sleepy, but unbelievably fatigued. I feel so semisolid, I think I'm slipping out of my skin. I already ditched two engagements just to spare me from the hellish hassle of getting dressed and making an appearance.
The past few days I struggled to get out of the house. The happy yellow pills helped me function somewhat. They didn't really make me happy, but at least I was no longer so gloomy. But I'm still so sluggish and doldrummy. It's been a major challenge just figuring out what to wear, so I donned tried-and-tested ensembles that weren't necessarily appropriate for my destination but were at least more presentable than house clothes. I tried to fix my hair but it was still a mess; I hoped people thought it was intentional. Yesterday I didn't even try; I just put on one of those wide fabric headbands and hoped I looked neat enough to be seen in public. And who cares about makeup.
I put on a friendly face for show, because going out meant I was going to interact with people. . But it was tiring to keep it up. I must have looked like a slobby blob. I sure felt like one. Looking presentable just isn't at the top of my list of priorities right now.
Especially not today, when I don't have to go anywhere.
I wish the Hubby would come soon. He's my Watchdog.
