"career choices"

severe elevation | high elevation | moderate elevation | slight elevation | normal | slight depression | moderate depression | deep depression | severe depression || anx : 0 , agit : 0


I don't think it's much to be proud of when I tell people that I am self-employed, because that pretty much sounds like unemployed. There's a big difference, I know; but in my case it seems like the same thing. I spend most of my days at home and I can't quite call myself busy - at least not as busy busy busy as I used to be. I'm not quite a housewife either. I don't have any kids - not really fond of them, don't want any right now.

I wonder sometimes about how it appears to people - how I've chosen not to work in an office or apply for any sort of employment in the past year. I know my mother thinks it means I'd have to be poor; a friend called me a bum, hahahaa. In my defense, I am far from. I am still able to apply my time to productive use; I just don't happen to sit behind a desk in an air-conditioned room or rake in several thousand a month. I know that some people would frown upon that, think that my current existence would be a waste of intelligence if not a waste of cellulose.

I admit I'm not completely satisfied with my here and now - but for that matter, who is? Of course a part of me would want to be busy busy busy and feel like an important contribution to society, rake in the bucks -- but most of me just wants to live a (relatively) quiet but productive, creative life. At least, for now. I've decided I'm not the desk type - never worked for me, prolly never will and I don't want to waste my time finding out.

Some people that I'm not really in relationship with like to give advice and money-making options, send links and applications and stuff. Thanks but NO; please bother someone else. I understand that they mean well, but their efforts aren't really needed nor appreciated. I don't want to get just any job that would stress me out just so I could pay the bills. If I'm going to place time and energy into something, it better be something that I enjoy, or at least like. "Needing money" should not be the sole motivation for seeking employment.

I'm not an unmotivated, lazy sort of person with no ambition. I'm the sort that carries a well-defined personal mission statement, writes out objectives and sub-objectives in color-coded, laminated print-outs and keeps them in a well filled-out filofax. Driven, goal-oriented, fast-paced and that sort is my comfort zone - at least that's how things used to be. I'd just right now prefer not to follow those goals and thought-out plans; I'd rather let them sit on the shelf for awhile, until I'm ready to evaluate and recalculate so I could make new ones. There's no point in foolishly rushing in.

So just let me think about it, pray about it, and I'd go for it when the time is right. Believe me, waiting is boring me, but let's just say I'm in the middle of an experiment. I'd rather not rush into building a house that would end up unfinished due to a lack of funds and supplies. It's always better to be wise.