Pork

severe elevation | high elevation | moderate elevation | slight elevation | stable | slight depression | moderate depression | deep depression | severe depression || anx: 0, agit: 0


Crap. I'm revisiting the Doldrums again. So soon. Too soon, me thinks.

Dr. C calls it rapid cycling - I mean going into an episode, staying there for merely a few days then shifting into the opposite pole for a few days and then shifting back for a few days and so on. A look at my charts says I'm prone to rapid cycles.

I hate this. I was looking forward to a happy manic high all summer.

But wait - coming to think of it, this might actually only be a side-effect of going back on Lithium (I went off it unintentionally for a while, as mentioned in previous posts). I'm feeling that underwater sensation again, and I may be confusing it for depression. I'm not anxious or agitated - just numb and lightheaded and kinda sad - so maybe it isn't the Doldrums after all.

Speaking of Lithium side effects, I'm having some dizziness, headaches and body pains (but no fever); some nausea (but no vomiting). And if I use my eyes too much (like when I read or watch the telly), the headache gets vicious. It's the exact experience as it was when I first started taking Lithium, I mean, before I got used to it. Blech. Those symptoms faded out in about two or three months as I got used to my medication, but the underwater effect and numbness-sadness stayed on.

And no surprise - I gained weight. Just like the first time I took Lithium. Even if I stayed on the same diet and daily activities. Heck, I've even been eating less these days! But the pudging-up is so obvious and I feel so puffy and porky.

Oink oink.

I noticed that If didn't engage myself in some activity, it would be easy for me to slump into the blues. As long as I kept myself busy, I'd be fine (so yeah , maybe it isn't really a depression after all). But here's the dilemma: I get too dizzy and headachey if I engage my eyes. Like right now, typing at the keyboard. Darn this. I have to rest my head for a while. I've been having to rest my head so often that I feel like nothing is happening in a day.

Porky behavior. Eat and play and have to sleep every now and then. The result is a porky appearance. Darn this. Bright idea to break the Lithium habit, eh? I really shouldn't try that again.