I just about bit heads off this week.
I'm not proud of it of course; it's just a fact. I'm owning up. I hadn't been taking my Lithium as often as I should have been.
Alright, alright; I'm a nasty bwitch. I've always been one and I'm hopelessly wicked. And I deserve to go to Hell.
But so do you, so get over it.
Yeah hell, I'm evil. This week had an unmanageable overflow of vitriol. Of course, people around me have been heavily guilty of being idjits too, but I admit it's primarily my fault for being chemically imbalanced and not being responsible enough to take the proper dosage of medication.
And here's why: I entertained the idea that it might possibly be beneficial to skip the mood-suppressors these days - for a good reason actually. I have a long list of things to do and I want to be productive. I thought of maxing out on the energy and creativity that come with the elevation, so I didn't mind being faithful with the meds. Of course if I allow the elevation, I allow all the other things that come with it - including the irrational anxiety, the extreme irritability, an overbloated sense of self-importance, a blatant disregard for other people, a wicked-quick mind and razor-sharp tongue that doesn't ever back down on hacking-and-slashing especially when provoked.
Thus the vile predicament of being in a position once again of having to apologize for my behavior. I went on a hacking-and-slashing spree because of my obsessive need to be productive. Big sigh.
Some people are prolly tired of it, but I'm certain they aren't even half as tired of it as I am. They can call me abusive if they like; they're entitled to their own opinion. I can at least have it to my credit that I actually bother to make apologies and restitution later on, (unlike some others who aren't even bipolar, so there), so I technically can't be accused of being insensitive, unforgiving, unChristian and / or a jerk. Hmph [SNORT!]
Go hang yourself, I'd like to say to them. Or go hang me. Whichever is fine by me. See if i care.
But seriously, I hate being in this place but can't seem to help ending up in it over and over again, no matter how much I try to avoid it. Believe me, I have been.
Or don't believe me. You can just stone me and heap judgment on your own head. See. I told you you deserve it.
