what's the point?

severe elevation | high elevation | moderate elevation | slight elevation | stable | slight depression | moderate depression | deep depression | severe depression || anx: 1 | agit: 0


One of the hardest things during a depression is the oppressive state of aimlessness. It's difficult enough not to have the energy or the desire to do anything; finding no reason to do anything compounds it all into a double-edged Todeswunsch*.

e.g. -

What's the point of the coping mechanisms in a crapfrak existence?
What end do I hope to accomplish from taking mind-dulling meds?
Fine, I take the Lith. So it helps me stabilize a bit. Now what?
Why should I seek a job I can't keep anyway?
What do I need the money for? What's the point of acquiring stuff I can't enjoy?
Why the heck do I have to get up i the morning?
Why do I have to watch my health? So I'm healthy - and then what?


I've always loved asking Why particularly when I'm interested in learning more.
But these days I've gone beyond Why - the banner on my mind lately has been What's the point?
I don't even see the point of knowing why anymore so I've quit asking.

Aimlessness thus begets aimlessness begets aimlessness begets aimlessness ...

Finding a good enough motivation for anything seems so impossible. I don't even see the point of staying alive.

*Death wish