This week, the Hubby went on his first day on his new job; he begins this month with trainings. He has night hours for now, so I had to be alone all night. I had trouble sleeping that night - mostly because the voices and noises and presences kept coming. Man, it was sheer torture. Even more torturous was the fact that I couldn't turn to anyone physically present to dispel my fright.
The following night as he was getting ready to leave, I tried to be all responsible-like and hold all my sentiments in. I tried to be a good, prudent, longsuffering wife who bites her tongue, the nicey Christian wife.
... while trying to bear the thought of being frozen in terror all over again for another night. And another night, and another night, and another.
At the last minute, the waterworks broke the dam - I just couldn't go through another night like that.
After letting me have the full brunt of his frustration, he gave in. He decided to call the new employer and inquire about a daytime shift. It's just funny that he had to go postal on me when he had an option to do daytime anyway. I think it was more that his pride was hurt than he was angry at me for being so needy, but then again I'm not so sure.
The main point (not the main point, but the main point in relation to me at least) of his having to resign from his previous job was that it was unnecessarily difficult for me. It would be utter nonsense for him to get another job that would submit me to a different kind of torture. It's not that I require him to change his whole lifestyle just for me; it's just I need to rebuild right now, and I need his extra consideration.
It's such a male thing that he (and all of the men in this household) keeps doing: go all alpha and expect everyone else in the family to adjust. Right now, I need him to adjust to me for this particular aspect of our lives - at least if he wants me to stay healthy. The way I see it, there are a lot of other jobs he can look into - jobs that won't have to tax me needlessly.
What do I mean?
- Something in the daytime - or if he really likes the graveyard shift, at least 2 a.m. onwards - so I won't have to be alone at night.
- Something that earns us sufficient funds - doesn't have to be a lot of cash- so we won't have to fight about money.
- Something which doesn't burden me with expectations - i.e., where I won't be required to be a shiny, happy, plastic wife.
- Something that he more-or-less enjoys. Because it gets me down when he's down.
Although my paranoid, unquiet mind can imagine those wagging tongues saying that I am too demanding. I don't think I am; I just feel the need to play it safe. Considering how his previous affected me, it's only natural to be mindful of these things.
So there. He's reapplying in the same company for a daytime shift. Pwede naman pala eh...
The positive thing that the fight night after fright night allowed was that I caught his attention to really listen to what I need from him. I've told him several times before of course, but as the way husbands go, he needs to "learn by experience". By this time, he probably already gets that the voices and noises and presences are not exactly a piece of cake for me.
