anxiety : 4
agitation : 3
I'm calm now, but last night I was so upset, almost inconsolable. I'm not going into the details of what caused my distress, because it would seem embarrassingly shallow to other people.
The whole day was happy and productive. Happy. Productive. Come evening, I had a sudden shift from joyfully expectant to irrationally raving. Unbelievable. Just a tiny bit of carelessness within the period of less than a second changed my fate. That split second was the difference between sheer bliss and utter misery. I ended up with utter misery. Inconsolable.
It wasn't even really a matter of great concern. Like I said, it's embarrassingly shallow. You would be laughing at me if I told you what it was really about. I would be laughing at myself now if I wasn't so upset. It was just a little trifle of an accident that didn't cost me much, just my hopeful joy. I was looking forward to so much joy, and it slew me to realize that I had destroyed it. But it evoked emotions in me similar to those that I felt when my rabbit died. Though last night's event wasn't even half as tragic, not even a quarter, that's where my mind went.
What I felt didn't even have much to do with the specific incident. Last night's incident just dredged up something within me with an accusing resonance. About how, despite my best intentions, I am able to bring good things to ruin, and how, despite my noblest hopes, I am destined for misery. I knew cognitively, logically, rationally that that wasn't true, but knowing did nothing for me.
