I re-watched the movie, The Hours, a story about the novelist, Virginia Woolf and her work Mrs. Dalloway. Although i've seen this before, it still resonated with a certain truth. Woolf was a bipolar, and I really very much relate with how her torment was described as encapsulated in the dialogues.
Luckily i was able to find a transcript of the conversations (no doubt typed out by a dedicated movie fan).
Below is the exchange between Virginia and her husband, Leonard. It kinda sounds like a recurring converstaion between me and the Hubby.
Perhaps you could tell me exactly what you think you are doing?
What I was doing?
I went to look for you and you weren't there.
You were working in the garden,
I didn't wish to disturb you.You disturb me when you disappear!
I didn't disappear. I went for a walk.
- A walk? Is that all? Just a walk...
Virginia, we must go home now,
Nelly is cooking dinner...
She's already had a difficult day.
It's just our obligation to eat Nelly's dinner.
There's no such obligation. No such obligation exists!Virginia, you have an obligation
to your sanity.
I've endured this custody!Endured this imprisonment.- Oh, Virginia!
I am attended by doctors.
Everywhere I'm attended by doctors
who inform me of my own interests!They know your interests.
- They do not! They do not speak for
my interests.Virginia, I can...
I can see that it must be hard for a woman of your...Of what?
Of my what exactly?- Of your talent to see that she must not be
the best judge of her own condition!Who then is a better judge?
You have a history...
You have a history of confinement.
We brought you to Richmond because you may have fits,
moods, blackouts, hearing voices...
We brought you here to save you from the
inevitable damage you intended upon yourself!
You tried to kill yourself twice!
I live daily with that threat.
We set up...
we set up the printing press not just for...
itself...not just purely for itself,
but so that you might have a ready
source of absorption and a remedy!I need to work.
It was done for you!
It was done for your betterment! It was done out of love!
If I didn't know you better I would call this ingratitude!Am I ungrateful? You call me ungrateful!
My life has been
stolen from me.
I am living in a town I have no wish to live in.
I am living...
a life I have no wish to live.
How did this happen? It is time for us to move
back to London. I miss London. I miss London life.
This is not you speaking, Virginia.
This is an aspect of your illness...It's me, it is my voice!
Not you...
It's mine, mine only...
It's a voice you hear.
It is not! It is mine.
I am dying in this town.If you were thinking clearly, Virginia.
You'd recall it was London that brought you low.If I were thinking clearly?
If I were thinking clearly...- We brought you to Richmond to give you peace.
If I were thinking clearly, Leonard,
I would tell you that I wrestle alone
...in the dark, in the deep dark and that only
I can know...
only I can understand my own condition.
You live with the threat, you tell me.
You live with the threat of my extinction.
Leonard, I live with it too.
This is my right. It is the right of
every human being.
I choose not the suffocating anesthetic of these
suburbs...
but the violent jîlt of the capital,
that is my choice!
The meanest patient, just even the very lowest,
is allowed some say
in the matter of her own prescription,
thereby she defines her humanity.
I wish, for your sake, Leonard,
that I were happy in this quietness
but if it is choice between Richmond and death...
I choose death.Very well, London then. We go back to London.
-------------------------------
A conversation between Virginia's characters, Clarissa and the unstable Richard. Clarissa finds Richard posed by an open window.
What the hell is going on here?! Richard!
What are you doing here? You're early!
What is going on... what are you doing?
-I had this wonderful idea...
I needed some light! I needed to let in some light!
Richard, what are you doing?I had this fantastic notion.
I combined my madness and my magic
to solve the riddle...
until finding the coincidences.Richard...
Don't come near me!
It seemed to me I needed to let in some light.
What do you think?
I cleared away all the windows.Alright, Richard, do me one simple favor...
Come, come sit!I don't think I can make it to the party tonight.
You don't have to go to the party...
you don't have to do anything you don't wanna do.
You can do as you like!But
I still have to face
the hours,
don't I?
I mean the hours after the party...
and the hours after them.You do have good days still,you know you do!
Not really.It's kind of you to say so, but...
it's not really true.Are they here?
Who?
The voices.
Oh, the voices are always here.
And it's the voices you're hearing now, isn't it?
No, no, no, no...
Mrs. Dalloway, it's you. I've stayed alive for you...
but now you have to let me go.
----------------------------------
Virginia's suicide note.
Dearest,
I feel certain, that I'm going mad again.
I think we can't go through another of these
terrible times
and I shan't recover this time.
I begin to hear voices and can't concentrate.
So I'm doing what seems the best thing to do.
You have given me the greatest possible happiness.
You have been in every way all that anyone could be.
I know that I'm spoiling your life and
without me you could work,
and you will.
I know. You see I can't even write this properly.
What I want to say is that
I owe all the happiness of my life to you.
You have been entirely patient with me
and incredibly good.
Everything is gone for me,
but the certainty of your goodness.
I can't go on spoiling your life
any longer.
I don't think two people could have been
happier than we have been.
Virignia.
Dear Leonard...
to look life in the face, always...
to look life in the face... and to know it...
for what it is...at last to know it...
to love it... for what it is... and then...
to put it away.
Leonard...
always the years between us...
always the years...
always the love...
always the hours...
